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laurenj52's Journal

28th October, 2009. 8:39 pm.

I came to a realization today, one that just tears me apart.
I let my fear blind me, I let my fear take away the one person I could be my complete self around.

I liked you since the day I met you, and I was blinded of the fact that you liked me back.
My paranoia, and my low self esteem made me doubt the fact that I would ever have a chance with you.
But today I realized just how much you really did mean to me, how much I loved just hanging out with you, listening to music, going for drives..Whatever it was, I was always having fun, always smiling.
I've never felt that way about someone before, and the opportunity to be with you was right there in front of me, and i just let it pass by.
How could i be so stupid?

I really miss you, and I just want you to know that i'm really sorry for hurting you, and just leaving you in the dust of my fears.
If you could ever just give me one more chance, i'll show you that you really do mean so much to me.
And i'm finally ready to open my heart to you. 
I don't know what to do, if only i had the guts to tell you i liked you from the start.


 




Current mood: blah.

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25th May, 2009. 10:26 am.


Summer is almost here, finally. I can honestly say i've never been so excited for it.
I'm starting to really like my new school, but i'm still torn between if i should switch back to my old school to graduate with my twin OR stay here, because I really like it.
hmmmm...
:/

Taking back sunday is coming to concert next week, i can't wait! i haven't been to a show in so long and what better way to end that streak with taking back sunday and anberlin!?!? i'm stoked.

today is a lazy day, i've been reallyyy busy for the past couple months. I stayed home one night this weekend and i actually felt out of place beause i'm so used to staying over at other peoples houses on weekends, weird huh? like, i actually couldn't sleep..it was a weird feeling. I like being busy, it keeps me occupied and happy but its nice to have a day like this where i can just lay around, besides that fact that i'm exhausted from having like five hours of sleep, it'll be a nice day. Its gorgeous out to, finally..summer weather! :)

School is out in like 11 days and this is going to be a really stressful 11 days with finals and all, and there going to be a lonnnnnnnnnnnggggggg 11 days, knowing summer is around the corner. UGH pray it goes fast.


alright, movie timmmmmmmmeeeeeeee! no, i'll probably just nap.
 haha :)

Current mood: content.

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5th May, 2009. 5:27 pm. happy.


I am completly happy with my life, i was going through my old journals and I am so grateful that I am out of that state of mind.

Everything is going so well for me, I love life.I have the greatest friends I could ever ask for, and lately everything has been falling into place.I mean I know this wont all last forever, but the memories will. And I've been making great memories lately. :)
hah.

Life really isn't all that bad, you just have to look for the good in every situation and just live life moment by moment.


:) mmmmmmmm.



Current mood: happy.

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20th January, 2009. 5:42 pm. excited.


Today marks one of the most historic moments in my generations lifetime, and i am so grateful i was alive to see it.
I don't think many people realize how big of a deal this really is.
Today will be a day that will be in our childrens history books when their in our grade, and they'll come running to us asking us question after question with deep interest, just like we do with our grandparents, and some's parents. I am so proud to be alive to see the first black man ever to become president. And not only that, but I have deep faith that he really is going to turn our horrible economic crisis that were in right now and bring us back up..no matter how long it takes, he will no doubt make the foundation for it and most likely lead us all there. I have faith in this, and I wish more people would too. Of course, Obama has many supporters but there is those who are totally against him, and i have no clue why.


Just wait  and see, this will be a very historic four years..and hopefully eight.:)
I'm excited for the future, and for once i believe everything will be okay!

Current mood: excited.

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20th December, 2008. 7:17 pm. brave.

I'll admit the truth scares me,
but right now I'm going to be brave.
I have something to tell you..
I love you, I always have, and always will.
and I want to know the truth,
even if it might kill me..
is this all a game to you?



Current mood: busy.

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29th October, 2008. 10:22 pm.


Its hard for me to think about the past,
because memories of you fill it up.
After all that time, how could you just leave?
Everything that happened between us, all the laughs and love,
how could you just leave me here, alone.

Ripped up photos of you and i lay across my floor,
its hard to live at times, hard to breath..
without you next to me i  feel like my whole life is missing.

How can one person impact my life so much?
Days go by so slowly without you near me,
without your kiss that gave me butterflies, your touch that made me feel so safe, your words that inspired me to be my best.

I wish you were still around, so much it kills me inside.
I will love you forever, and I hope one day you realize that you love me back,
but for now i'm just here wishing, waiting, hoping.

I miss you.


Current mood: numb.

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29th October, 2008. 7:22 pm.

You showed me how to love with all of my heart,
you taught me that love can conquer all,
you made me forget my fears, laugh until my cheeks burned,
you opened my eyes to see the beauty in this world,
and made me realize that dreaming, and imagination really is better then reality.
you welcomed me with open arms,
then screw me over and left me here.
you left me with the worse feeling in mankind,
heartbreak.
i ask myself everyday if it was worth it,
                          it was.
i love you, i always will.
Forever and ever, baby. <3


Current mood: blank.

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26th September, 2008. 8:08 pm.


You've lost yourself in all of this,
please find your way home,
i'll be your light home.....
hold my hand,
you can make it through.
Don't let go, hold on tight.
This road is bumpy, but i see the light..
i'll be your light, i'll be your light.


Current mood: awake.

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6th July, 2008. 11:42 pm.

the  worse feeling in the world, is feeling nothing at all.
i hate feeling numb, as if nothing can go right.
why does life have so much wrong in it?


i miss the old days.







Current mood: apathetic.

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19th June, 2008. 12:13 am.

 I've been thinking a lot lately, and I'm more confused then ever.
give it time.


but in the mean time, my best friend and I were messing around and these are some pictures I took:D


Current mood: creative.

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